He who lies there.

Wow. I can't believe I found my blog!

I forgot my url to this thing. LOL. Anyways, it has been what? Like 2 months since I was last on here? It hasn't been that long.. Well I'm back and it's back to writing for me!

It's odd because I noticed that I usually have the strongest urge to write when I'm emotially distressed. Lots of things are on my mind all the time and I do nothing but smile and take it all in. Maybe because I'm underspoken and have a lot of opinions on things.. opinions which I only share with myself. Now it might sound a bit crazy that I'm always having constant arguments with myself, but that's what honestly happens in my mind about 3/4 of the time.

My birthday is fast approaching and I will have nobody but my fiancee to celebrate my special day with me. My family, friends, and close relatives have all exiled me and I was the cause of all this. No more days well spent with a family. What's a family again? Has anyone not accepted the fact that I am in love with another woman? Why can't anyone just be happy for me? I can never do anything to gain the acceptance and appreciation of my family. They're all too thick-skinned. Some two-faced as well.

So what if it's my 21st birthday next month?

At least she'll be there for me.


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But I spend the holidays alone.

Holiday season is near and where will I be?




Home.


*The lone tree will romance itself while the ham sits there cold
The warm, jolly atmosphere suddenly turns dank and rancid
I, in the background laying on the floor.. alone.


I did this all to myself
It's not my fault I can't cover the expenses
It's not my fault that I can't afford anything
It's not my fault that I'm in love. So overwhelmingy in love
It is my fault, I chose what I wanted to do
And I chose to be in love with you.

Now, if I could
I would choose not to be here waiting for you for three long, hard weeks
Instead, I would be there with you.

I can't be here deprived of family
All alone, and alienated from the only person that I love the most.

The tree and I will slowly wither away
But the star will remain shining on top.

Life is good. *The long-awaited update* (NOT!)

Well, it has been almost 3 months since my last post.

I figured that my loyal posse of nosy people have been wanting to hear from the elusive JR once again.
So, here I am.

I recently recieved a promotion at work becoming a warehouse manager, and moved out from my uncle's house. Along with all this, I took in my girlfriend whom I love dearly. We live in a nice, quiet community, renting out a place from a nice, older couple.

Now life has become more meaningful to me.
Until you realize that there is no such thing as forever, you will begin to see that in reality, life is beautiful. No matter how hard life's got you down. You see, I aim to please, and with that said, I plan to make anyone who wants to fly under my wings with me on a journey they will never forget.

So maybe I'm still young, heck, we all are. And although you're going to sit there on your high chair and think otherwise, just think about how you were when you were a kid. You knew you never wanted to grow up.

"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys 'r' us kid," remember that?

Well, fast foward now, you're in your mid 20's probably now thinking about how your years of youth was spent.

Let's just leave it at that, and let's see if you can find my message in this post.

Until then, deuces! (All the cool kids are doing it <<)

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know anymore.

I want to get out of this godforsaken state. Leave it all behind and start anew. But a part of me is telling me to stay. I cannot bear the fact that I must leave everything that I've started here. The friendships and relationships that I have with the people that I see on a day to day basis; something that is unique and different.

A part of me wants to be with my beloved girlfriend. Wait, I mean my entire being wants to be with my girlfriend. I love her so and am reluctant to be without her by my side. We've somehow managed to fuse together. You would have to pry us apart to keep our hands off of each other. This love that we have for each other is young, but it is surely growing, each and every single day.

Ohio state is a joke. $7 minimum wage.

God, I need a new get-rich-quick scheme. Help me land some unimaginable fortune and help my dreams come true.








I have a vast supply of never ending love, for my girlfriend.

sometimes

Love is a powerful thing.
It's overwhelming and I cannot control myself at times.

Sometimes, I look at her and wonder to myself.. how did I end up with someone as lovely as herself.


Hold that thought.

I AM.

I am

Grateful for my wonderful girlfriend who loves me so much.
I am grateful for her being by my side through our ups and downs.
She makes me happy to be alive and well.

I would do anything for her.
To keep her happy always.

=D

is this for real?

i am confused.

wish i could read minds.
wish i knew the intentions of others.
i don't want to get hurt.

Let me tell you about this girl.

The past few weeks have gone by quite fast.
Two adventurous beings who are destined to last.
They had many differences to which they interact,
tried and true, opposites really do attract.

The two have tried once,
the two have tried twice.

To no avail, he decided it was time.

Time to throw away the deceit,
The childish games that were played.
Broken hearts are not easily fixed,
he should have just stayed.

Why had he hurt the one who loved him most?
He simply ignored her as if it were a joke.

Now he finally decided to step up and apologize.
He had asked her to be his girlfriend while looking deep in her eyes.
She gazed at him, smiled, and lovingly said,
"It's great to have us back, together again."

The two embraced, held hands, and smiled.

He promised her love, happiness, and to her heart, no harm.
To prove her his love; third time's the charm.

TCX (Click for full picture)

who are you, really.

I know who I am.

Utilize your face.

If movie posters were honest!

Look before you leap.

Have you ever wanted to say something to someone?
Something deep and so heart-filled, that it just drives you insane that you just cannot say it?

I have some weight on my chest that I have been carrying.
Stressed out because I just can’t find myself hearing an answer that I do not accept.
Maybe I already know the answer to my question.
Some small talk to myself is therapeutic, right?
Look at me. I’ve already lost my mind.

I would like to come to my senses.
Come to realize that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me.
Because it just makes sense.
I’m nothing to her, but her mere friend.

I respect that, I guess. Damn, I’m too selfish.
Now, here I am, wanting more than just her friendship.

I sense that she doesn’t want me.
Why is it that I can see through people?

How would I even know that this is truly what she is thinking?
Who am I fooling? I’m just scared.

Being the nervous wreck that I am,
I should just leap.
Leap into the nonexistent arms that would never break my fall.
Falling to my death:

The truth.

i had to get this out.

what have i done?
have i gone completely mad?

last year, she loved me.
& it showed, i couldn't accept the fact that she did.
i shamefully wanted more. i wanted someone that i could never, ever be with.
so i lived recklessly, and treated her the same way.

why must i be so blind?
she never hesitated to tell me that she loved me.
she shed tears, at the thought of us being apart.
she came to my doorsteps early in the mornings, not to be greeted with love.
i had become a jerk, and i knew it too.

after our 4 months of hardships, she finally left.
i stood strong. and i was happy.



until it finally hit me, and i realized that i was wrong for what i did.

now, her every move has me captivated.
jealously occurs when she brings up the names of other men.
i'm killing myself inside thinking about what i did.
she didn't deserve to be treated with disrespect.

now, i bow to her every action. infatuated, i may be.

i lied. i'm in love.


my pathetic actions could have been times of laughter, embracing, and love.
so now, i am there for her.

i want to create for myself, a new me.
to be the guy who will undoubtedly be there for his love, whenever.
stand strong, for when she's weak.
and be the savior of falling victim to our society's animals.

it makes me worry to have her be around other men.
maybe it's jealousy.
maybe it's just me being obnoxious.
or maybe, it's just because she's all the care in the world that i have.

although we all have imperfections..

i would love to be the man who can actually try his very best to make his love happy.
let me create myself anew.

would you let me..?

katsuya

killer traffic tonight heading east on the 134..
push button *plink!* parking structure ticket!
round and round we go up to the 4th floor of the glendale galleria corkscrew
hands cold, rush to the elevator
laugh as we drop down 4 floors
she wants to go to urban outfitters but we hit up H&M instead
up the stairs, and back down again
to Forever 21 we go
it's cold out, "I wish I had a scarf", she says
i wrap my arm around her neck
VOILA! instant scarf! am i clever or what..?
she wants haagan daaz
it's too cold
urban outfitters is closed.
it's 10:20PM
we pass by katsuya
what awesome stairs they have!
they spiral upwards into a dimly lit room
let's go in and have a light snack
we talk and we talk
her eyes, i cannot look away from
later, we leave
thank you, spiral staircase, you were the selling point!
down the rabbit hole we go, as alice did in wonderland
quick stamp of the time card *plink*
back into car we go
cruising at comfortable speeds, west on the 134
101 we hit
valley circle we lit up
we picked up
and left
a warm hug
a kiss on the head
and a reluctant goodbye
lights off, she walks into the darkness
i drive off and smile
it's been only 30 minutes but i already miss you