He who lies there.

Wow. I can't believe I found my blog!

I forgot my url to this thing. LOL. Anyways, it has been what? Like 2 months since I was last on here? It hasn't been that long.. Well I'm back and it's back to writing for me!

It's odd because I noticed that I usually have the strongest urge to write when I'm emotially distressed. Lots of things are on my mind all the time and I do nothing but smile and take it all in. Maybe because I'm underspoken and have a lot of opinions on things.. opinions which I only share with myself. Now it might sound a bit crazy that I'm always having constant arguments with myself, but that's what honestly happens in my mind about 3/4 of the time.

My birthday is fast approaching and I will have nobody but my fiancee to celebrate my special day with me. My family, friends, and close relatives have all exiled me and I was the cause of all this. No more days well spent with a family. What's a family again? Has anyone not accepted the fact that I am in love with another woman? Why can't anyone just be happy for me? I can never do anything to gain the acceptance and appreciation of my family. They're all too thick-skinned. Some two-faced as well.

So what if it's my 21st birthday next month?

At least she'll be there for me.


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But I spend the holidays alone.

Holiday season is near and where will I be?




Home.


*The lone tree will romance itself while the ham sits there cold
The warm, jolly atmosphere suddenly turns dank and rancid
I, in the background laying on the floor.. alone.


I did this all to myself
It's not my fault I can't cover the expenses
It's not my fault that I can't afford anything
It's not my fault that I'm in love. So overwhelmingy in love
It is my fault, I chose what I wanted to do
And I chose to be in love with you.

Now, if I could
I would choose not to be here waiting for you for three long, hard weeks
Instead, I would be there with you.

I can't be here deprived of family
All alone, and alienated from the only person that I love the most.

The tree and I will slowly wither away
But the star will remain shining on top.