TCX (Click for full picture)

who are you, really.

I know who I am.

Utilize your face.

If movie posters were honest!

Look before you leap.

Have you ever wanted to say something to someone?
Something deep and so heart-filled, that it just drives you insane that you just cannot say it?

I have some weight on my chest that I have been carrying.
Stressed out because I just can’t find myself hearing an answer that I do not accept.
Maybe I already know the answer to my question.
Some small talk to myself is therapeutic, right?
Look at me. I’ve already lost my mind.

I would like to come to my senses.
Come to realize that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me.
Because it just makes sense.
I’m nothing to her, but her mere friend.

I respect that, I guess. Damn, I’m too selfish.
Now, here I am, wanting more than just her friendship.

I sense that she doesn’t want me.
Why is it that I can see through people?

How would I even know that this is truly what she is thinking?
Who am I fooling? I’m just scared.

Being the nervous wreck that I am,
I should just leap.
Leap into the nonexistent arms that would never break my fall.
Falling to my death:

The truth.

i had to get this out.

what have i done?
have i gone completely mad?

last year, she loved me.
& it showed, i couldn't accept the fact that she did.
i shamefully wanted more. i wanted someone that i could never, ever be with.
so i lived recklessly, and treated her the same way.

why must i be so blind?
she never hesitated to tell me that she loved me.
she shed tears, at the thought of us being apart.
she came to my doorsteps early in the mornings, not to be greeted with love.
i had become a jerk, and i knew it too.

after our 4 months of hardships, she finally left.
i stood strong. and i was happy.



until it finally hit me, and i realized that i was wrong for what i did.

now, her every move has me captivated.
jealously occurs when she brings up the names of other men.
i'm killing myself inside thinking about what i did.
she didn't deserve to be treated with disrespect.

now, i bow to her every action. infatuated, i may be.

i lied. i'm in love.


my pathetic actions could have been times of laughter, embracing, and love.
so now, i am there for her.

i want to create for myself, a new me.
to be the guy who will undoubtedly be there for his love, whenever.
stand strong, for when she's weak.
and be the savior of falling victim to our society's animals.

it makes me worry to have her be around other men.
maybe it's jealousy.
maybe it's just me being obnoxious.
or maybe, it's just because she's all the care in the world that i have.

although we all have imperfections..

i would love to be the man who can actually try his very best to make his love happy.
let me create myself anew.

would you let me..?

katsuya

killer traffic tonight heading east on the 134..
push button *plink!* parking structure ticket!
round and round we go up to the 4th floor of the glendale galleria corkscrew
hands cold, rush to the elevator
laugh as we drop down 4 floors
she wants to go to urban outfitters but we hit up H&M instead
up the stairs, and back down again
to Forever 21 we go
it's cold out, "I wish I had a scarf", she says
i wrap my arm around her neck
VOILA! instant scarf! am i clever or what..?
she wants haagan daaz
it's too cold
urban outfitters is closed.
it's 10:20PM
we pass by katsuya
what awesome stairs they have!
they spiral upwards into a dimly lit room
let's go in and have a light snack
we talk and we talk
her eyes, i cannot look away from
later, we leave
thank you, spiral staircase, you were the selling point!
down the rabbit hole we go, as alice did in wonderland
quick stamp of the time card *plink*
back into car we go
cruising at comfortable speeds, west on the 134
101 we hit
valley circle we lit up
we picked up
and left
a warm hug
a kiss on the head
and a reluctant goodbye
lights off, she walks into the darkness
i drive off and smile
it's been only 30 minutes but i already miss you